I am a major fan of James Bond movies. My favorite Bond? Easy – Sir Roger Moore. No, really. He played the part with equal amounts of charm and humor, and saved the franchise from extinction. But I digress. Many features of James Bond films have become iconic. The opening gun barrel sequence. (Which opening sequence is the only one in which Bond kneels to take his shot?) Maurice Binder’s excellent credits at or near the start of the movie, usually featuring naked women in silhouette. The gadgets of Q. The Bond girls. (Yes, Patsy Stone really was a Bond girl.) And, of course, the music.
For nearly half a century, the producers of Bond movies have usually sought out the top names in music at the time for the title themes – Paul McCartney, Carly Simon, Duran Duran, Tom Jones, and Dame Shirley Bassey (three times!). And occasionally their choices have generated a collective “huh?” from the audience. (Lani Hall? And, Lulu? Really? I mean, come on.) But between the star power behind the microphone and the writers behind the notes, the combination is usually quite memorable.
Though Bond himself is not anchored to any specific year, Bond themes tend to reflect the musical stylings of the time, and are quite varied. There are some ballads, some pop hits, some heavy metal, and some jazz. As a result, there is no formula for a perfect Bond theme. But a few criteria do apply. The song should be memorable. It should be able to stand alone, but it should also immediately conjure up images of James Bond. It really should mention the title of the film at some point. And, for lack of a better term, it shouldn’t be wussy. A ballad can be okay, as long as it is strong. James Bond is a lover, but he is first a killer.
So, just for the hell of it, here are my top 25 Bond themes.
(Notes: First, there have been 22 “official” James Bond films. Never Say Never Again was a remake of Thunderball and is not considered part of the official EON franchise – that makes 23 songs. From Russia with Love gets two entries in the countdown: one for the theme of the same name, and one for the introduction of John Barry’s “007 Theme”. On Her Majesty’s Secret Service also gets two entries: one for the instrumental theme of the same name, and one for Louis Armstrong’s closing credits song, “We Have All the Time in the World”.)
Let's start at the bottom of the countdown, number 25 - the only Bond theme to get a grade of F.
25. "Die Another Day", Madonna, Die Another Day
By 2002, Madonna had already topped the world of pop music. Every album she released had gone platinum, and she had 24 gold or platinum records. She had "acted" in several movies, though nearly all of them were commercial and critical failures. Highlighting the unevenness of Madonna's career, however, was the Golden Globe she won for Evita in 1996. So even though it was surprising she had not already done a Bond theme, she was already later in her career than just about any other theme artist in the history of the series. While the producers were hoping for another Evita, instead they got a Shanghai Surprise.
Madonna was knee-deep in her dance floor diva revival when EON came calling, and she didn't disappoint. As with the music of her middle-aged gay icon contemporary, Cher, it's hard to tell where Madonna's voice ends and the electronic computer enhancements kick in. Undoubtedly, it is a good Madonna song. But have you ever heard Madonna live - I mean, really, just her voice? She can't sing. So instead, we get this modulated robotic sound.
Madonna's rendition of the theme is like those artists who decide to perform the National Anthem instead of sing it with the spectators. The theme should be about James Bond. Madonna, as with everything, made it about Madonna. It is why she was nominated for both a Golden Globe and a Golden Raspberry for this song. If it weren't for an even more dreadful entry by Britney Spears from Crossroads, Madonna would have won. (As a note, she lost the Golden Globe to U2, but shared the Worst Actress Razzie with Britney Spears. And Madonna only had a cameo in Die Another Day.)
Grade: F
24. "Another Way To Die", Jack White and Alicia Keys, Quantum of Solace
It doesn't help that this song doesn't mention the title of the movie (though it does contain the word "solace"). It doesn't help that the title of the movie was taken from an completely unrelated short story, and therefore in this context is stupid. And it didn't help that this was the worst non-Dalton film in the series, by a long, long way. But the clincher was setting up the first, and hopefully last, duet in Bond theme history.
The music for this song, particularly the opening, are fantastic. It should be right up there in the top 10 of all Bond themes. And it would have been, if Jack and Alicia had never opened their mouths. This combination of sounds is revolting, so bad that it more than negates the great instrumentalism. "Another ringer with a slick trigger finger for Her Majesty"? No, thanks.
Grade: D
23. "Tomorrow Never Dies", Sheryl Crow, Tomorrow Never Dies
John Barry was the guiding hand behind Bond themes and scores from the beginning until Timothy Dalton came along. With a change in Bond, the produces sought a change in music. While Barry recommended his replacement, David Arnold, the lack of Barry's influence saw a generally steady decline in the theme music after 1987. The worst three theme songs date from this era. Without the experience and institutional Bond knowledge of Barry, theme artists with no investment in the franchise began going their own way with the music. (Exhibit A: Madonna) Sheryl Crow was the first artist in the post-Barry era to get lost on the way to the opening credits.
Whereas Madonna was one of the most experienced artists to record a Bond theme, Crow was one of the least. She exploded onto the scene in the mid-1990s, taking home three Grammys for Tuesday Night Music Club. But her work here with Mitchell Froom, husband of Suzanne Vega, has several fatal flaws. The choice of an equivalent 6/8 time gives the song a dolorous quality that is not in sync with the action of the movie. Thus, it did not lend itself to be reprised during the movie, as good Bond themes do. It also was not a good fit for Crow's mezzo voice; during the refrain, it feels like there are notes that she struggles to reach. And the rhythm and repetitiveness of the background piano is unfortunately reminiscent of this.
Grade: D
22."For Your Eyes Only", Sheena Easton, For Your Eyes Only
John Barry refused to return to the United Kingdom in 1981 for tax reasons. So EON Productions called on the man who gave us the music to all the Rocky movies, as well as the theme songs from Dynasty and Falcon Crest, Bill Conti. Needless to say, the result was a piano-heavy ballad that is one of the wussiest songs to ever grace a Bond film. Meanwhile, Scottish singer Sheena Easton had exploded onto the pop scene the year before, and would have been an unlikely choice to sing a traditional Bond theme. And unlikelier still, Easton is the only singer to appear in the opening credits. But the musical and vocal styles paired well with Conti's composition. The result was a very good ballad, but a very poor Bond theme. John Barry would return for the next Bond film, but this hiatus marked the end of his best Bond work.
Grade: C-
21. "All Time High", Rita Coolidge, Octopussy
John Barry came back from his one-film vacation to write the music and theme for the next installment after For Your Eyes Only. But how does a composer honor the Bond tradition of incorporating the movie title into the song when the movie is called Octopussy? John Barry brought in Broadway lyricist Tim Rice to help, and the result was only the second Bond theme to date that failed to mention the title of the film. (The first was Dr. No.) The selection of Rita Coolidge was a mystery, however. Coolidge had had an uneven if uneventful career, mainly known for covers of other artists' hits, as well as for breaking up Crosby, Stills, Nash and Young by leaving one of the singers for another. As with Sheena Easton before her, her voice was well-suited to the ballad that Rice and Barry created. But because it had little connection to the film, it is probably the least memorable Bond theme in the last half century. (As an aside, the balladry that Bond themes experienced in the 1980s seems well-suited to the character that Roger Moore brought to the role.)
Grade: C-
